You ever had those moments where you just don’t want to go home yet? Do you look at the clock and wish you had one more hour before having to pick up the kids from school? That’s where I am right now and I want it to change to be a better Mom and have more peace in my life.
As I began laying out the next 31 days for the challenge, I first had to get a good grasp on how things got to where they are and what the root cause of the problem truly was. I decided that the root cause of everything – me not enjoying being around my children, the house being constantly messy and needing repairs, it all had to do with the chaos that we live in within these four walls. It didn’t happen overnight I don’t think. It all kept piling on through the years and it happened for various reasons.
So what was the catalyst that made me wake up and realize that the heartbeat of our home was so out of whack? Well, there were two actually. The first was my diagnosis with Rheumatoid Arthritis which has taken me out of work this entire year. The second was my son starting Kindergarten and the afternoons after I pick him and my daughter up at school.
On December 24th, I reached out to grab my son who was running by and felt a sharp pain in my shoulder. By the end of the evening, the pain spread down through my entire arm to my wrist and I could hardly move it. I did not report back to my job on December 26th and began a long journey of doctors appointments, diagnosis, medications, side effects, and being home 24/7. When I was working, my life was so crazy in that I would get up at 5:30am, get myself and the kids ready to get out the door, work all day, hurry home, fix dinner, get the kids in bed, and then collapse to only do it all over again the next day. My weekends were spent grocery shopping, doing laundry, cleaning the entire house, and any other thing that needed to get done that wasn’t done during the week. I felt I was doing well if the house didn’t look “too bad” and the kids had clean clothes to wear, food on the table, etc. I didn’t really have time to look at the disrepair the house had fallen in to, the chaos my children lived in and responded negatively too, and how unhappy I really was when I was “at home”.
It all came to a head for me when my youngest started kindergarten back in August and I began to really dread the time when I would pick him and his sister up from school and the two hours that would be absolute chaos when I got them home. Prior to him starting school, I had my daughter at home only and she is two years older and that makes a huge difference. He was still in daycare. With my daughter, I could direct her to activities and be able to get some things done and rest without having to worry about her destroying things or chasing the cat, letting the puppy out, etc. This is not the case with my son.
Tomorrow, we begin the first part of my 31 days of fixing the heartbeat in the home, a schedule. Seems simple enough, and that is what I thought when I first tried it when school started. However, I was very mistaken.